There is this guy in my physics class. I may have ranted about him before, I do not remember. I know I have done an ~anonymous~ meme about him before. LOL, BYE BYE ANONYMITY.

Anyway. He is THE UGLIEST THING EVER, bless him. His features do not go together well. He has crazy scientist hair, he has the startings of a bald patch. He has TERRIBLE TERRIBLE DRESS SENSE. However, he is ADORABLE, in a weird way. He is also strangely pretty. I don't even know HOW, but he just kind of... IS. It's not at all obvious, if I said this out loud to anyone who also knew this guy would be all '... YOU WHAT?!?!????'
I think it has something to do with his eyelashes, and his crazy spindly fingers. I think he'd be ACTUALLY pretty if you took away the awkward expression and his crazy long pointy nose that's going on.

He intrigues me. A lot. I am FOREVER STARING AT HIM. I do not think he has noticed yet, thank goodness, but I do.


ANYWAY. TODAY MY LAB PARTNER TOLD ME HE'S TRANSEXUAL.
So he should actually be she.
(JUST TO MAKE CLEAR, since I realised what I've written it isn't actually clear, HE'S A GUY. WHO WANTS TO BE A GIRL. From what I understand, anyway)
Rashida (my lab partner!) didn't actually say that in so many words, but she was talking about this guy called Sean who he's (she's?) friends with and was all 'Oh yeah, Sean and James. No, Mia, were doing this thing blah blah' and carried on with the conversation.

I was like '!!!!'

But also carried on with the conversation because showing too much interest in James/Mia would make me seem SLIGHTLY STRANGE, I think.


SO I DID SOME FACEBOOK STALKING, TO SEE IF THIS WAS TRUE.
AND IT IS.
At least, I think it is, because the person listed as Mia has no photos, but still. She's friends with both Rashida and Sean, so it's obviously going to be the right person (especially as neither of them have any friends called James!)


It has made my BRAIN HURT from all the thinking that has been going on.
Firstly, am I supposed to refer to her as HER from now on? Or still as him, because had Rashida not told me, I would be NONE THE WISER. She still comes to uni as a guy! I do not blame her IN THE SLIGHTEST though, imagine how hard it'd be to come into uni all of a sudden a different gender. Like, if I went into uni on Monday with my hair shaved off and my boobs bound and asked everyone to called me Dan? Urg, I can't even imagine how difficult that would be.
Am I supposed to know? Is it a big secret?? Should I call her Mia, or him James? Mia since clearly that's what she WANTS to be called, or James since she's not... out as a girl? Though really, I shouldn't really be calling her/him anything since we have NEVER SPOKEN BEFORE IN OUR LIVES. Knowing this much is probably kind of stalkerish and pervy!

It's also just kind of made me think a lot about trans people in general.
FOR EXAMPLE: Original Plumbing Magazine.
Fit guy (jeeze, so fit), only with a vagina.
Should this matter? Does this matter to me?
I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW.


And gosh, if *I* feel so fucking confused about everything, fuck knows how Mia must feel!

So anyway, she is now EVEN MORE INTERESTING TO ME THAN SHE WAS BEFORE.
And I continue to stare like a massive massive perv. And will probably continue to do so.
Urg, self!

I just needed to share the ~info~. I don't really feel right talking about it to anyone IRL, I'd feel too much like I was being a gossip.



Also: I hope I do not come across as being a douchebag. I don't really know why I would, but still. I hope I do not come across like that! :S



ALSO: I am going to see La Roux in half an hour! WHOOP :D

AHHAHA.
I made a website just to see if I could.

Turns out I couldn't. Not without a LOT OF DIFFICULTY, anyway. All my ~skillz~ from when I was 14 have left me. UTTER WOE.



On a better note, in my programming in C class today, I did everything right! Last week I FAILED MISERABLY at trying to write a program to put three numbers in order. TODAY I RULED AT FINDING THE AGES OF A LIST OF STUDENTS FROM THEIR DATES OF BIRTH AND THEN PUTTING THEM INTO TWO DIFFERENT LISTS DEPENDING ON THEIR GENDERS. THATS RIGHT BABY.
THE PROGRAMMING QUEEN IS BACK ON FORRRRRRM \o/
(I also got 9/10 in my last C programming assessment. I AM A QUEEN AT PROGRAMMING. THAT IS RIGHT!)

Oh my gosh, I am SO TIRED right now.
SO TIRED.
I came upstairs for a nap but I've been bumming around on the internet for several hours instead, like you do, so now I'm still way tired and now also hungry because tea time should have happened at half 6 and that was an hour ago and I was supposed to be asleep, dammit. I'm too tired to cook.
I have no food anyway.


So I am tired. And I ache all over.
I went swimming this morning. OH JESUS. WHY DID NO-ONE TELL ME HOW MUCH SWIMMING HURTS?!
I do not remember swimming being so painful and tiring when I was younger! I guess though, I've not been in a swimming pool since I was approximately 13. I got in and did an length of breast stroke and IT WAS HORRIBLE. Plus there was a very fit lifeguard guy with tattoos and plugs and shit, which was woeful since I was the slowest swimmer in the slow lane and generally looked like an idiot.

Also yesterday I got up at HALF PAST 6 IN THE MORNING to go to yoga and I think I overstretched my back because that hurts, and I went to the gym an hour, AND I went to swing dance in the evening (Swing dance is so much fun, I'm getting better! I can string together moves and shit now! \o/).

So anyway.
I AM TIRED.
YET I AM NOT ASLEEP.
WHY AM I NOT ASLEEP?
D:

A few points:

I have the MOST MASSIVE SPOT IN THE WORLD currently erupting from my forehead. It's very painful! And very red because I can't stop poking at it. D:

I dressed up as a mummy for Halloween. WANNA SEE PHOTOS? ( I LOOKED FREAKING AWESOME, IMO )

I am thinking of applying for Camp America or CCUSA for the summer of 2010. Opinions everyone?? Has anyone done something like this/does anyone know someone who's done something similar? Are American children as terrifying as I imagine them to be? (They seem way more... in your face than English kids.)( Not being AT ALL stereotypical here of course! lol)
It seems like a great thing to do over the summer, plus it'd look pretty damn awesome on my CV. Plus I'd be in America which would be pretty cool! (but also scary since there would ONLY BE ME there and everyone else I know would be in England. Eep!)
Idk, idk. It's quite a lot of money, and whilst you get paid whilst you're over there, you don't actually break even. I've heard it's about £600, all in and you only get something like £350 back. You do get free food and board and flights organised for you though!

I'm thinking about it anyway...

Tags: \o/, dressing up!, drunken antics, friends, ftl, holiday, photos, planning for the future, summer

Machinarium

Play this game! You only get to play 3 levels, but it's so good! I love puzzle games. I want to play the whole thing, but I do not have £12 to spend on computer games.
WOE.



Today my family came to visit me. We had a nice meal at the posh(ish) Italian in town, and it was lovely. They also brought me lots of cake, so I am very happy.

I never ever update on here any more! My FL has gotten very quiet lately, no one seems to be doing much internetting.

I got my ears pierced on Saturday for the first time so I've been looking around websites obsessively for earrings. A whole new jewellery item I didn't have before! It's very exciting. I keep poking at the studs and now they hurt, I can't stop. It's bad times! And I keep thinking I've got MASSIVE SPOTS on my ear lobes, which is very very odd.

But anyway: ( look at all the awesome earrings! )


I have absolutely masses of work to do this week (assesed homework AND a Lab Report! URG) and I can't be botheredddddd. Hence the looking at earrings when I should have been working. Woe.


I also read Pride and Prejudice this week! It was SO GOOD. I only read it because my housemates really want to have a marathon watch of the 6hr BBC version, and I refused to watch it until I'd read it, so I did. And I am glad, since it was awesome. Yay.

What's the best pick-up line you ever heard (or tried)? What's the worst? If you're instantly attracted to someone, will a stupid pick-up line dampen your interest?



We once won a bottle of champagne for this a pub quiz. CLEAR WINNER:


I also quite like:

I'm going to introduce y'all to a little show called Trinity.

Sundays. 10pm. ITV2.
Put it on your calender.

It's amazing! Episode one especially went a little something like this: someone died. a very hot guy got naked. someone else died. creepy stalking around and old guys talking cryptically. More sex. More hot naked guy. Rinse and repeat.

It's basically a mix up between a ~murder mystery~, skins and slapstick comedy. Which might sound ridiculous, and that's because it is mostly ridiculous. But it's ridiculous in the way that once you get over it being god awful, it's actually TELEVISION GOLD.
Plus it has Reggie Yates in it, and he's always hilarious.


( VISUALS. FIT GUY THIS WAY EVERYONE. THAT'S RIGHT. FIIIIIIIIIIT )


There have been 4 episodes, and there are 4 more to go, I think.
JUMP ON, WATCH IT.



Also: watch Merlin. I fucking love that show, but I keep missing it on tv. I've not caught one episode yet! Thank god for the internet.

Today, I went to pilates. I don't think I did it right though. You're supposed to do it all whilst having your stomach muscles locked and I don't think I did. I couldn't tell if I had them locked or not most of the time, which sounds stupid but I couldn't!

I also went to the gym with Char and Cat.

I found out that I love the treadmill! I was running for 25 minutes today and it was amazing. I felt so energised and free (I don't know why free, since I was pretty much stuck in once place!) and basically awesome. I love the way you feel all floaty once you come off it. I love being healthy! I kind of want to be running now.

I know treadmilling is easier than actual running, but still.



Basically what I'm saying is: why did I not exercise 'till now?!
Though I guess time will tell if this is just a phase or I'm actually going to keep at it. I'd better keep at it, my gym membership was £150 (which sounds a lot but it's actually only £5 a week. If I wasn't a member going to yoga and pilates would cost me £6 anyway, so BARGAIN. Ish) and that I do not want to waste!

I HAVE INTERNETS AT HOME ONCE AGAIN!!

Oh my word, it is amazing. I am at home! I can browse the internet at will!


Things I have done whilst being away:

Been gigging. THRICE. Indeed.
I saw All Time Low, in Manchester. The support acts were The Friday Night Boys, who were good, and The Audition, who were amazing. My favourite part was when ATL wanted us to make a circle pit and Jack said "Make it big, like my dick!" and then "Hey! I said my dick, not Alex's! Make it bigger!". This amused me greatly.
I also saw Hadouken! at the union. They were very good! I also got completely wasted on two pints of strongbow (and two vodka and cokes!) because we figured we could spend the money we didn't spend on transport could go on drinks. And beacuse the support band was completely rubbish and we started talking to a guy who was the most boring person ever, and we had to drown our sorrows. Or something. We met some equally sozzled 17yr old boys on our way out. We hung with them whilst they waited for a parent to come pick them up. Bless them, they were adorable and hilarious.
Then YESTERDAY I went to Preston to visit Jane with Naomi, and we saw Tinchy Stryder with Chipmunk as support. That was amusing more than good.

I joined the gym! I have yet to go yet though, because I've not had my induction session yet. That is tomorrow morning. Jolly!

I went to yoga at half seven in the morning! I ACTUALLY GOT UP TO GO! And it was really good (though I do ache a bit now) and I think I will go again next week!
AND! I'm going to go to pilates on Saturday.

I am considering joining Swing Dance society! I am considering joining the Volleyball club!

BASICALLY, WHAT I AM SAYING HERE, IS WOAH, I AM AMAZING.


The problem is that I've done no school-related work at all.
I have a module in Quantum Mechanics this year, and it is the most ridiculously hard thing I've ever had to do, I understand very little of it. It's very saddening.
I should really do some work.


Oh well.

Tags: \o/, busy like a bee, heath!, housing issues, i should be revising, i've been on an exciting excursion, shows, ~shenanigating

Hi internets.
I still don't have access to the internet at my house and I am once again at the pub. :/


Last night I went to the most amazing 21st birthday party. It must've cost a bomb because there were free drinks for everyone. I had 3 champagnes, 4 cocktails and 5 shots ALL FOR FREE. I was completely wasted, it was ridiculous. So much fun though. He had this weird slide thing made of ice that you did shots from which was very very cool (haha, literally, being made of ice and all!)

Tonight everyone is talking about going to an ice hockey match which sounds like it should be fun.

On Wednesday I'm going to see All Time Low in Manchester and I am VERY EXCITED. The Audition are supporting and I am also pretty damned excited about seeing them too!

Lectures start at 9am on Monday. Not looking forewards to that.


OH, LIFE. I've been spending a lot of my time watching crappy day time soaps (ie, Neighbours. Home and Away) and it's mostly been very boring. I've been a crappy not-fresher. Most people I know have been going out every night. I keep staying in and playing this University Challenge game with next door. I'm ridiculous. Today I watched Time Team.



What's been happening in internet land everyone? Anything exciting? I've not had time to keep reading my fl and now I feel very disconnected from everything. I do occasionally watch the news now though, so I guess something good has come out of the lack of internet connection!

♥

I am currently in the pub across the street from my new house at uni. I get free internet here! ITS AMAZING.
I miss the internet D:

I may come back here, check my emails and stuff, because I think I'm still going to be two weeks without the internet. We can't get BT in to put us in a landline until the 28th, I think, and obviously we can't get our internet sorted until we have a landline in.

SO MUCH WOE.


Still, my new room is pretty funky. I'm happy, haha. It's nice to be back.

I'm all packed up and ready to go to Uni tomorrow. I cba to go, really. BUT OH WELL.

The amount of stuff I own seems to have doubled in size since last year. It's kind of ridiculous. (if anyone wants to compare, here is my entry from leaving last year, and here is a quick and crappy phone photo of what I have so far. THAT IS NOT EVERYTHING. I HAVE A RUG AND A COMPUTER AND ANOTHER BAG IN MY ROOM STILL, PLUS FOUR BAGS OF FOOD IN THE KITCHEN)
I have no idea how I'm going to fit this all in the car.


~ ~ ~


Recently I've been feeling, idk. Weird. Like a fraud, somehow. I'm not really sure why. It doesn't really make sense, so I've no idea why I feel like a fraud. I just know that I do.

Sometimes, I feel as if being gay is like a having a bucket of water, and how full your bucket is corresponds to how gay you are. Sometimes I feel like the fuller your bucket is, the better you are, and I can't help but feel like my bucket isn't very full at all. I don't FEEL gay. Not as much as I think I'd like. I just feel normal.

I'm not sure why I think I ought to feel differently and how that is somehow better, but.

I think this stupid view of life is why I don't really like the idea of gay club nights and why the thought of going to the LGBT meetings at uni makes me so uncomfortable. I just feel like being bisexual (like being me) isn't enough. I feel like I'll always be the odd one out. I'll always be less gay than everyone else, or something?

I don't even know why I'm thinking like this, because I'd always figured before that being bi is more like being gay AND straight rather than HALF gay and HALF straight, so more like having two buckets instead of a half full one.




Urg. I fail at LIFE.

I MADE A WALLET WITH KEVIN JONAS ON THE FRONT.
ITS AWESOME.
OH YEAH.

( CLICK FOR THE AWESOME )

It's kind of larger than I'm used to carrying around with me (usually I have this tiny little pouch thing that holds credit cards, only I make it carry everything else as well)(everything else being some money and some plasters. I travel light) so I don't know if I'm actually going to be using it much. Still, Kevin Jonas!!

I am the coolest kid on the block.
Clearly.

Leeds photos are here!

Apologies for the crappy scans, my scanner is rubbish and then seemed to want to turn everything pink for some reason? I have no idea.


( ONWARDS MY LOVELIES! )

I HAS A FIC REC!

LIKE THE TIDE by arsenicjade and untappedbeauty

It's Ryan/Spencer, which I normally HATE but HOLY CRAP. IT MADE ME CRY. Actualfax tears and everything!
I normally hate Ryan Ross and tend to refuse to read fic about him, but I had nothing better to do at the time and I fort WHAT THE HECK. (I did have to pretend it was about someone else who just happened to have the name Ryan, but still!)

This is a Good Fic. I stayed up 'till 5.30am reading it. :O





Also, I would like to shoo everyone in THIS DIRECTION and to recommend that everyone read EVERYTHING ON THAT LIST.

MAYBE IT IS EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT THAT I LIKE FIC ABOUT KEVIN JONAS AND MIKE CARDEN, BUT, HONESTLY, THEY'RE FUCKING HILARIOUS.
Or at least, Kevin is (HE'S A FUCKING JONAS BROTHER, BLESS HIM), and Mike Carden has always been pretty hot, so.

MAINLY I LIKE TO LOL AT THEM, SO. GET UR LOLZ OVER THERE \o/

I is back from Leeds Fest!
Was very good.
Made friends with my neighbours and some other random guys this time, which was both nice because we had people to hang out with and in that it was a massive improvement to having neighbours who threatened to burn down our tent like last year!

( BANDS WOT I SAW AND SOME OTHER SHIT )

I got back at 9 this morning, after not sleeping all night (too busy guarding our tent to make sure people didn't set it on fire, innit! Also too busy drinking a bag of wine like the classy classy lady I am.) and I've still not slept, but at least I'm now clean! I also have a massive scratch down my right thigh and I've no fucking clue how it got there, I can't think of anything I did last night, drunk or not, to warrant it being there...

Photos will be coming some time, we took a disposable one and I've yet to take it to boots to be developed.

Blah blah blah.
Life.
I'm drinking a lot of lemon tea and not a lot else. At least this is supposedly good for me xD

I went shopping with the friends (bought the most amazing new clutch and a pretty cool new dress) and went out with the friends on Monday (gay mondays, indeed) but since then, not a lot.



The funeral is set for Tuesday the 1st of September, the day after I get back from Leeds fest (all is well on that front, I convinced Laura to come with me :D).
I feel bad for not really caring that much, but to be honest, I barely knew the man. He didn't know who I was anyway, he was utterly doolally, poor guy.
Alzheimers sucks.
He lived two hours away and we rarely go visit. Once or twice a year, max. Plus when I was younger he scared the hell out of me, he had a weird sense of humour and I never knew how to take it. I remember him telling me once that some dogs that were locked in a car would kill me if they got out, because I had been barking at them and annoying them.

Urg, whatever, I don't know.
I don't know.

Apparently, my other Grandad has just died.
My mother just came into my room to inform me.
My reaction was 'oh'
And then she left.
And then after a pause, I said 'Jesus.'

And then I wrote this.


Jesus.

At least I didn't have to take the phone call this time.